If we put all our energy into positive thinking, what are we to do with our feelings that are not so positive?

I try to be a positive thinker, but sometimes I can confuse my desire to think positively with my need to deny other negative feelings. Have you ever felt sad or angry about something and then buried the feeling deep inside of you because you believe that it’s best to look on the bright side of life?

This happens because we are told that it is proper to be happy, and that we need to think positively all the time. Especially as Christians we are told to turn the other cheek, and that everything will be okay as long as we pray about it.

Now, I’m not saying that we should hold on to the negative feelings that cause discomfort or pain.  We need to let them go, but before we let them go I believe that  it’s important to let go of these feelings after we recognize them, name them and deal with them in a proper way.

All of our feelings are important, the happy and positive ones as well as the sad, angry and hurtful ones.  All of our feelings; need to be acknowledged and looked at before we can release them. To deny feelings is to say that there are certain parts of us that do not have value, that there are certain parts of ourselves, our thoughts and our ideas that are not important.  But God says we are all important, that every hair on our head is important and the ideas inside of our head are important as well.

Throughout the Bible we read stories of people expressing to God their inner most thoughts and feelings and God accepts them all.  God accepts us all so we can accept all of our feelings no matter what they are.

Accepting and acknowledging our feelings is the first step to gaining control over them, then we have the power to deal with them and to work with them in a helpful and healthy way.  If we deny and repress them we are sure to give them control over us.

A colleague asked me the other day.  ”How do you stay sane in the midst of insanity?”  It seems our lives are filled with insanity and if we are not careful it is easy to get caught up in it!  A quick google search of the “phrase sane in the midst of insanity” revealed that there are a number of people searching for some kind of relief from the insanity in their lives.  I read posts from parent support groups to alcoholism support groups to the regular office worker trying to get by in his 9-5 job.

According to dictionary.com insanity means:  ”the condition of being insane; a derangement of the mind.”  Now, I think this definition could encompass many people suffering from many conditions.  So what is your “trigger point?”  What causes you to become insane or “crazy?”  I often to think of Homer Simpson when I think about someone going “crazy”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yGJGTjV2WE

But then again there are lots of ways one can “go crazy” and more often than not we do not act like Homer and Simpson.

But when we feel like we are going “crazy” or start to become “insane” with trying to keep up with all the “stuff” in our lives we need help —  Then I begin to ask myself, where does my help come from?  Sure I have lots of support in my life.  I have my friends, my family and the community of the church that is there when I need them.  But for me it is more than that, my help also comes from the Holy Spirit which gives me power and courage to meet my daily challenges.

The Holy Spirit is there for you too, to help you face the challenges within your struggling marriage right now. …To face the challenges with your kids who may be driving you insane right now. … To face the challenges with your mother’s aging, your father’s aging……with their death. …To face the challenges with your aging and with your death. …

We watch as innocent lives are being taken around the world in war.   I weep at the injustice that so many people in our wold experience.  I see the strength of men and women who have hardships in their lives and yet they still move on and they not only survive but they thrive.  The only explanation that  I have is that when the Spirit is inside of you and the people around you, there is power, spiritual power and spiritual gentleness.

That spirit comes to us in our baptism.  Jesus was baptized not to get rid of his sins, but in order to carry our sins on the cross.  I don’t have to carry my past sins with me, my failures, my imperfections,  or my guilt. All the sins that I have done wrong and all the things that I haven’t done right are placed on his back, on his cross. Jesus is the one who carries the weight of sin. His baptism tells us he carries our sins the sins of the world.

I once read a story about a preacher who felt he was a gifted orator and had memorized Kipling’s poem, ‘If” for a high school thespian contest. The pastor recited the poem with great gusto.  He still remembered the poem and wanted to share it with his congregation.

“If you men can keep your heads when all about you, are losing theirs and blaming it on you.

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, and make allowances for their doubting too.

If you men can wait and not be tired of waiting. …Or being lied about, not deal in lies….

Or being hated and not give way to hating.  Yet don’t look too good nor talk too wise. …

If you men can dream and not make dreams your master….If you can think but not make thoughts your aim. …

If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and meet those two imposters just the same. …

If you men can fulfill the unforgiving minute, with sixty seconds left of distant run.

Yours is the earth and everything in it. And what is more, you will be a man, my son.”

As the pastor recited this poem, the “thespian” in him choked with emotion. He was on the edge of tears and filled with deep feelings. There was a long silent pause. During that pause and silence, a voice from the back of the room piped up, “What if you can’t?”

We can ask ourselves that —  no matter what is said or done, “What if you can’t?” What if you can’t master your dreams? What if you can’t meet triumph and disaster just the same? What if you lose your head when everybody else around you is keeping theirs? What if you can’t trust yourself? What if you can’t wait? What if you are tired of waiting? What if you are a lousy parent? What if you are a failure in marriage? What then?  …

Then you hear the words that you have been baptized, and that all of your burdens and imperfections and disappointments have been loaded onto the back of Christ, that everything is put on the shoulders of the one who carries the cross on our behalf.

In your baptism, you hear the words that Jesus Christ carries the sins of the whole world.  It is Jesus Christ who helps us stay sane in the midst of insanity.   Because I know if I did not have Jesus in my life, things would be harder, life would be more difficult and I very well might not make it from day to day.

So how do I stay sane in the midst of insanity?  I rely on the one who carried my sins to the cross – Jesus Christ.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:

If Jordan above me shall roll,

No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life

Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,

The sky, not the grave, is our goal;

Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!

Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

This hymn was written by Horatio G. Spafford after two major events in Spafford’s life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially.  Later in his life, Spafford’s wife and four daughters were crossing the Atlantic on a ship namedVille du Havre, headed for vacation (Spafford was held up due to some business).  All of a sudden their ship collided with an iron sailing vessel and 226 people died including all four of Spafford’s daughters.  However, his wife survived and she sent him a telegram from England that read, “Saved alone…now what shall I do?” Several weeks later, Spaffordleft to meet his wife and his own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired the words to the song It is well with my Soul. Spafford once said that “They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief they experience here on earth.”

I have been thinking alot about souls lately.  I have talked with other clergy about the importance of walking with people as they search deep within their souls.

My first reaction when talking about souls is the episode of the Simpsons when Bart sells his soul to Milhouse for $5.00.  Lisa warns Bart that something bad will happen, but he doesn’t believe her until he can’t pass through automatic doors, and animals are afraid of him. Bart tries to buy his soul back but finds that Milhouse sold it to the Comic Book Guy, who sold it to an unnamed person. Turns out, Lisa bought Bart’s soul and returned it to him.

How many of us do not realize the importance of our souls?  How many of us have a soul that is not well?  How do I as a religious professional help people become well with their soul once again?  These are the questions that I have been pondering, and these are the questions that I do not have answers.  When I talk with people, it seems that everyone has something that they are dealing with, some more intensely than others and I want to be there for people, I want to empower them to take care of themselves which includes their soul.  So how do you build a network inside of the church to help people with their souls?  This is a question that I will be pondering, working with, talking about for the next year or so, hoping that one day it can be well with all of our souls.

Please take the time to read through this post and make comments below.  

Here is the topic for this week:

Topic: Oprah has popularized the phrase, “Best Life” with a series of shows centered around so-called “experts” talking about how to have, “the best life”.    What is your definition of a “best life” and how do you think you are — or are not— fulfilling your conception of it?

I honestly don’t think I have ever seen the “Best Life” series with Oprah.  Maybe being one of only two men in this blog-off (and the other one came up with this topic) that might put me at a disadvantage…I don’t know.  But I do think about what an “ideal” life would be, so I will go off of that.  

I hate to admit it but the ELCA does have a model of wellness that I would like to achieve one day.  It is called a “Wholeness Wheel.”  There are six areas of wholeness that I believe anyone can achieve and if they do; I believe that they will be living a better life if not the “Best Life.”  

Everyone wants to be healthy.  People get healthy physically not only to look good but to feel good and live longer.  As we get older we start to see that bright light at the end of the tunnel and we want that tunnel to continually get longer not shorter.  

I would give myself a low grade on my Physical well-being at this point.  But I am making strides to get healthier and healthier everyday.  As I mentioned on this blog earlier I have lost over 30 pounds in the last year and I am working hard everyday to staying on track and lose more.  I hope to participate in a triathlon this September with the goal of at least finishing.  I hope by this time next year  I will be able to say that I am in much better physical condition.  

From the ELCA website

“Being emotionally well means feeling the full range of emotions and expressing those emotions appropriately.”

I think there are four ways that I maintain emotional well-being

1. Spend time with my family – I love my family more than anything else in the world.  When I come home from a good or bad day at work my kids come up to me and give me hugs and kisses and it makes even the worst day seem bright.  I love my wife and the more time I get to spend with her the better I feel.  She understands me like no-one else can.  I feel lucky to have a great family.
2. Working out-  I love the feeling after a good work out.  I find that when I am starting to feel stressed and overwhelmed I need to hit the gym and spend a little extra time working out.  It helps me relieve all the built-up stress inside of me.
3. Music -  I am a musician at heart.  I love to turn the radio up in my car and sing along.  I also love to play my guitar for hours on end.  Music gives me that creative release that nothing else can.
4. Friends — I have the greatest friends in the world.  When something is wrong in my life they are there for me and I can’t ever thank them enough.  One of the reasons why I love facebook so much is because I am able to connect with my friends even more.  I believe that my friends are the smartest people I know and I always seek advice from them.

From the ELCA website

Whether we are introverted or extroverted, regular social contact is essential for health. 

This is one area that I feel like my wife and I need to improve on.  I am very extroverted and she is very introverted so the way we view our social contacts is different.  Like I mentioned above I love facebook because I am able to relate to my friends on a daily basis.  One thing that is hard for my wife and myself is that most of our friends do not live in the same area as us – so facebook, email and phone calls are our best form of contact.  My wife and I are also new to the area (we have lived here only a year).  We came to CNY not knowing very many people at all and it is taking more time than I would like on meeting people our age that we are able to hang out with on a regular basis.  We continue to work on this and I know that things will turn around sooner or later.

Intellectual well-being

 I can say that I have never been the smartest person in my academic career.  I have never qualified myself as a scholar.  But I do hold a bachelors degree and a Master of Divinity degree.  I am very proud of my accomplishments because I have worked hard for them.  I do like to keep up with my reading and studying, I think it is very important to keep your mind working, otherwise I believe it will start to shut down.  I will always be a student and seek to learn more and more not only professionally but in other ways as well.

Vocational well-being

I never really understood why people are in jobs that they hate.  I have had only one job that I really hated in my life.  I worked there for about 14 days and quit and found something else that I enjoyed much more.  I need to be challenged where I work otherwise I am not satisfied.  I realize that jobs are sometimes hard to come by — however do what you love or you will never be happy.

I do love the job that I have right now. I believe my calling in life is to be a pastor.  I love hearing faith stories from people, I love being there for people during their celebrations and during their more difficult times in life.   I can’t imagine doing anything else in life and being this happy.

I believe that we need to be spiritually healthy as well.  I have friends and family members that do not have a realigous base in their life and I do actually question that decision.  I do not understand what happens when difficulties happen in their life who do they put their trust in that things will turn out okay?  I put my trust in the one who I believe created me and who loves me and who promises me that things will be okay.  When I am having a crappy day I know I can turn to God and pray.  

I will never forget when I was at Luther College, I was having a tough time personally.  I prayed with a friend, we prayed for my family we prayed that God would take all my problems and place them on His shoulders and I believe God did.  That night I cried for 45 min.  It was all the pain, hurt, anger and sadness coming out of me. I felt as though that burdens that I had been carrying for so long were lifted off of me and I felt free once again.  It was a good feeling.

I think of that time in my life when I believe that I am not as spiritually well off as I would like to be.  Right now I think I am at a good place because the last few months have been tough in some ways.  It is when times are tough that I start to fall away from my spiritual disciplines and it is then that I realize that I need them the most and I am able to turn back and pick things up again.

Financial well-being

I can honestly say that money is one of the biggest stresses in my life and the lives of the people I come across everyday.  90% of the debt that I carry is in student loans.  I can honestly say that I am disappointed in the way that seminaries are structured in that regard.  Pastors are generally in the top 25% in education but in the bottom 25% in pay (or something like that).  But that is another blog post for another day.  

We work hard at becoming more and more financially secure. I know it takes time and that is the hard part.  We are at a point right now in our lives where we want to feel secure financially.  It is important — and I know I have lots to learn when it comes to financial success.  I read blog posts daily and I use the YNAB system to help keep finances straight and I abide by the philosophies of YNAB to help us think differently about our money.  

Overall I believe that things are going okay right now in my “Best Life” – I believe that overall I have a pretty good wholeness wheel.  I don’t think it will ever be perfect but I believe that it is a good way to think about your life and how you can have a “Best Life.”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA8z7f7a2Pk

Those of you who came to see a video of me dancing might be disappointed.

But there is a video I would like to share with you that has been making it’s way around the internet.

The video is from the 2009 Sasquatch Music Festival.  It is of a man dancing.  Now that by itself  might not be news.  However, the dancing man is suddenly joined by someone else and before you know there are hundreds of people dancing.  If you don’t believe me check the video out!

This video has been called inspirational, this video been described as a way to promote perseverance and determination within us all.  The reviews I have read have been right on.

But I see something else in this video.

I see this video revealing something about our society in general. I think we as a society are still too quick to judge someone because of who they are, what they look like or things that they might do. For example, the man in the video is not a good dancer, we expect him to fail, we expect him to feel embarrassed by his actions and to sit down.  It reminds me of Susan Boyle, who walked on stage and was almost booed off until she started to sing; and now she is an international star.  We too often look at someone, quickly judge them and then we are surprised when they produce something good.

It doesn’t matter if the person is too fat or skinny, too white or black- or anything else that we use to judge someone it is not right.

This happens in the church as well.  In too many congregations we are quick to judge if “they” walk into “our” church not dressed the way we would like them to be or not act like we think they should.  We start to push them away before we really get to know them and accept them as a child of God.

My prayer is that we can look past that and see who is on the inside. Or like the man in the video – if we think we are not being treated fairly because of what we look like or how we might act in certain situations, that we can keep dancing and doing what we think is right until the crowd starts to follow us.

So I have an internal debate over many various web resources….

Google vs Yahoo

WordPress vs Blogger

Facebook vs Myspace

It may seem silly because no matter what you choose you can make things work for themselves.  However I question if my choice was the right one.  Currently I use google, wordpress and facebook more often.  I do have a yahoo, blogger and myspace account that I use from time to time but not very often.

This came up to me again because I just started using google reader.  I think it is a very cool thing.  I have attached all my favorite blogs (about 20 blogs) and it will download any new post.  That will save me time and trouble as I don’t have to go to each website to see if there is a new post.  I think it is great.

I have chosen Google over Yahoo because I think google is very clean cut. I like its integration of all the different services (maps, reader, mail ect) I like how I have my iGoogle where I can post what I want on a homepage and I can move stuff around to my liking.  Once I signed up with Google I was hooked.

I like WordPress because it seems more professional too me.  It was very easy for me to set things up and once I came up with a name I liked (papajoemc) I was on WordPress and before I knew it people were reading my blog and making comments and I thought it was too late to go back.  Now in an ideal world I would be using blogger because Google has a deal with blogger and I would integrate even more but I am happy where I am.  I am alittle sad with WordPress because we cannot add java to our widgets like you can with blogger. But in the end that is okay, because people are coming to read my blog not to see what the latest ELCA news is or what movie I put on my blockbuster cue.  Since my interest in photography has taken off I do have a blog with blogger where I will post a picture I have taken or one taken of me with a brief description.  That will be my “fun” blog and I will have lots of different crap over there. So check that out if you get a chance.  Currently I don’t have an SD card reader ( I lost it) so I will have to go out and get a new one to post my photos.

Talk about professionalism, Facebook is MUCH neater and nicer than myspace.  I am able to add applications with ease, and even though I miss making a unique background when it comes down too it I don’t miss it that much.  My wife has a myspace page (as do I) and that is one of the reasons I stick with myspace.  Even though we talk with one another it is nice to leave messages for one another.  There are also people on myspace that I talk with every now and again who otherwise I would not talk with.

Eventually, I need to stick with one and stick with it.  The transition will be hard but it will be worth it. Currently though all my email goes to one address so no matter what you email me on I will get it (unless it goes to spam) and when everything is said and done I believe the Iphone has push email through yahoo so eventually when I get my iphone (and I will get one some day) I might have to make that jump and never look back.  Until then the debate continues….

I usually don’t ask questions on my blog but I am curious

Which (if any) services do you use? Why did you choose that service? Are you happy with it?

Written April 17, 2000

Sleep greatful sleep

Come to me

Rest my head and restore my body

Let me feel ashured that I will wake up ready to start a new day.

Ready to take on the challenges of the world

If someone or something gets in my way,

I will let them know that I am okay and nothing will get me down.

But my beautiful sleep is the only way that can happen.

Good night world, good night my love.

Sleep wonderful sleep come to me.

Parts of my life the last week…….

Beware- there is some venting with scattered thoughts, I don’t have enough energy to really get too deep. But I need to process and this is me process some of the “bigger” things in my life right now.

I feel like I have not really done much the past week. Ever since last Wednesday my back has been bothering me….again….

I blame it on driving for Dunkin’ Donuts, the fact of the matter is that I have had this constant pain since I have been driving the truck back in August. I have not diven since Friday and I am feeling ALITTLE better. It has been so bad that I have had trouble walking. Just tonight it has been a sharp/dull pain. I don’t know if that makes sense…..

So I went up to D&D to talk with the owner about quitting, but I could not bring myself to do it. I am off between now and when we get back from our Thanksgiving excursion. Between now and then I will be at the doctors and physical therapists to see what I can do to get better.

I have already been told there is a compression in my lower spine. I just need to know what to do in order to either reverse it or stop it from happening even further.

So besides resting my back I have been reading alot for my classes, writing papers and whatnot. I have been trying to force myself to do some things that I need to do in my “regular” life but that has been few and far between.

I just question why it is hard for me to quit a job I really don’t like. Sure the extra money is nice and it helps out alot, but I know my health is more important, but I think I don’t wnat to disappoint people. And I need to get over that.

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In other news I have added some stuff to my blog, so let me know what you think. I have been debating if I should stay with WordPress or go back to Blogger. Most of the blogs I read are done through blogger and I once had an account there. I still have an open account but I don’t use it at all. I debated going back. There are certain things that I would like to add on my blog that I have seen on others. But there are some things I have put on that I really like so for now I will stay here. Down the road I would love to have my own domain name with my blog. I would like to add podcasts of sermons and have a few pages in which I just have fun with. But for now this will do.

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Let me tell you I hate cars — we have had both go to crap on us the last two weeks…….one “new” car later and the other with a new radiator we are on the road again.

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I think one of the things that has been on my mind lately is the event that occured almost a year ago. Around this time (at the end of November) one of the first graders at my internship died. It was a girl that I worked with at the after school program. I have been thinking about her and about what happened because I wrote it up as a case study for one of my classes. I will be working through it with some classmates. It was a really hard thing for me to go through, especially so because the parents asked me to preach at her funeral. Now this was my first funeral sermon ever, and it was for someone who I really cared about and who went home to God alittle earlier than most of us would want.
I have been thinking about her because of all saints day this past week. I think deep down I was avoiding worship some because I don’t know how to handle it. I have been keeping some of my emotions inside — it is really hard to think about sometimes.
Then, once your mind goes down that road it is hard to control. During intership our sexton died while working on the job, I was one of the last ones who talked with him. We were moving picnic tables and then I went to do a home communion visit and then I had a lunch meeting. I was going to go back and see if he needed anything else — but I did not and I felt guilty that I could of done something to help him…..for a few weeks after I had trouble eating and I was trying to work through a lot, and being at the end of my internship I was trying to get things done for that as well……ahhh life.

If I make it through this process I will be amazed.

that’s what all saints day was for me this year – to think about two very special saints that will have a special place in my heart.