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Beautiful Sleep

papajoemc — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 20:51:17 +0000

Written April 17, 2000

Sleep greatful sleep

Come to me

Rest my head and restore my body

Let me feel ashured that I will wake up ready to start a new day.

Ready to take on the challenges of the world

If someone or something gets in my way,

I will let them know that I am okay and nothing will get me down.

But my beautiful sleep is the only way that can happen.

Good night world, good night my love.

Sleep wonderful sleep come to me.

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Change

papajoemc — Sat, 11 Mar 2000 20:59:00 +0000

Looking back at the last two years and to sum up everything that has happened to me is hard to do. Mainly there has been so much I can’t express it all right here and right now. There is no way I cna ever think that I would be here at Camp Calumet working full time and living in the Conference Center. Never would i think that I would be in love with the girl of my dreams and she would be in love (though I am not sure) with me. However we don’t have a relationship becuase we are 1,200 miles away from one another. Funny how life turns out!!!
I guess in order to summerize the last two years or so I would say it has been about CHANGE!!
What do you think of when you hear the word Change?
The money in your pocket?
The color of someone’s hair?
The clothes on your back?
Or would you think about the attitudes of some people or the wya they live their loves or how they make their decisions?
It is funny how someone can experience all of these things. You take a boy who is far away from home — lost, confused and who does not feel loved and take him and put him in a place where he learns to have direction in his life.
He is close to the friends that he loves, He has some sort of an idea what he wants to do with his life.
In order to make his life perfect is if he has the girl that he loves standing beside him.
Is it right to have this boy’s life perfect?
Some might say yes and some might say no.
“He doesn’t deserve to have a good life.”
“He doesn’t do things the way I do them, so he is wrong”
If they say that they are fools!!!!
Everyone deserves the perfect life. I see my life now and say I almost have the “perfect” life but what about two years form now? What would I consider the perfect life and will I have it?

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Jackman's Ridge

papajoemc — Wed, 16 Jun 1999 11:30:40 +0000

Sitting here early this morning on Jackman’s ridge I feel at peace. All of my worries and cares are not with me right now. They are forgotten because of the wonderous beauty that lies in front of me. I hope to come up here early many mornings. B said that she was going to come up too. If I had someone to share this with — to share your love with me that will make me happy.

I f things work out today I will be able to go and clean Arts and crats and then leave for a baseball game tonight. I do hope everything is good!

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Stream of Thoughts

papajoemc — Mon, 14 Jun 1999 12:28:05 +0000

“It is not Circumstances that need altering first, but yourselves, and then the conditions will naturally alter.” God Calling

I have been up since 4am this morning. To my surprise I am not tired! I am gald I have some quiet time before the day starts. I need to figure things out in my life. J came the other day and I have not gotten a chance to catch up with her het. I need to do that. I have not made an effort to catch up and I feel bad about that.

The more that people come up the wierd camp seems. I just want my friends up here and everyone else can leave. I really don’t mean that but I like the quietness of camp. I don’t think God leaves camp with over 200 staff but I can feel God’s presence more with fewer people. I also am afraid that I will feel out of place once more people come. Since I was not on main camp I missed out on getting to know alot of people. This year I hope to make up for that. I have already gotten to know E and she seems really cool.

I have been feeling stressed lately and my stomach is acting up. I think I am going to try that medicine that my doctor gave me and see if that helps. I know I am going to get more and more stressed throughout the sumemr and I can’t have this happen.

I hope that I hear from people from school soon. I would love to keep in touch with alot of people. I have to make sure I write letters back. I have been bretty good so far. I just need to keep it up.

I am going to get some breakfast and start my day out right.

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Goals

papajoemc — Wed, 02 Jun 1999 02:10:14 +0000

I have reached one of my goals this summer. I have written something in this journal every day. My EE kids came today and I am already tired. I will write about my first day later. now I need my rest.

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Good Times

papajoemc — Sun, 21 Feb 1999 17:50:00 +0000

Wow — what an amazing day!! God I have learned more about you tdoay than I have in a long time. Thank you for bringing me here and meeting all the wonderful guys. They gave me so much insight this weekend.
I love being where I am, feeling accepted and included. I have not felt so included in a long time. Beofre I realize what I learned here I have to let everything sink in.

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Can’t Sleep

papajoemc — Sat, 20 Feb 1999 06:30:00 +0000

Well its about 1:30 am. I am tired but I can’t sleep. I am in Eudora, IA on a men’s retreat. It is good and excatly what I need right now. God I love talking with you and sharing with you and talking about you. I feel storng towards your minstry everyday. thank you for having B ask me to come here and thank you for letting me get to know Chad. My first impression of him was wrong and I am glad about that. There is so much to him and I want to get to know them both better. I feel like someone who doesn’t know things around here. There are so many dovoted Christians here and I feel like sometimes that I am not as devoted. Like tonight when they were sharing what they have been reading in the Bible I did not have much to share. I felt bad and I felt like I was not “doing my job”. I don’t want to feel that way. If I can’t read your word then I do I expect to help others? Please help me get through to J. Hopefully she will se what she has been doing and what she does and how much that hurts me.
Please be with my family too especially with what is going on right now. And lastly pelase lep me with my decisions in life and help me think about what I am going to do with myself.

Psalm 40 + 42

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new year/ new questions/ new love

papajoemc — Sun, 17 Jan 1999 01:36:00 +0000

Boy lots of stuff has happened to me. I switched my major — to what I don’t know. I know that whatever direction I go in is the right one. I am thinking Religion with either a socology or communications minor but I am not sure.

I ended up having a wonderful break. I loved being home for Christmas and I loved seeing James and Jeremy. We had a blast. I ended up drinking and getting pretty drunk. I had lots of fun doing it and I don’t know if that is totally wrong or not. Nothing bad became of it and I don’t do it alot but it was fun. Is that bad? I was probably doing it for the wrong reasons but I don’t knwo waht those reasons were. I think I was not thinking and that was the problem. but was it a problem?

I did go to NYC with my family and Bill did not go. That was a bummer but it is the fact of life. SO I guess I have to deal with it.

I am back a school not and I am on duty as an RA on Satu night. That might be interesting. I hope that I don’t have to confront any big parties. This weekend has been good and con only look to get better. I am happy now and I have not been happy in a long time. I am glad to be happy.

I still have a thing for JH. She is amazing. I wish she would have more time to spend with my. When we do spend time together I would like to know more about her, then talk about me. But I want her to see how great I am and hopefully like me back.

Things with J have bene up and down. It is so dumb and I should not worry about it but I do. Things are good and how I feel is good and I am content with that.

I started to work out again, but once again my activies have taken over my life and I can’t stop them. thigs come up and I have to deal with them. I whish they would not come up and I was not so busty but then would I be happy? I am not sure.

So many questions in life and I think I will have them for a long time. Some of them I think might never get answered.

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Why?

papajoemc — Sun, 13 Dec 1998 00:49:00 +0000

I have so many prayers to you God and you know what is in my heart. You know what I have been praying lately. I have been so confused about relationships, who has been in my life and who changes my life. I haven’t felt like myself recently. I don’t know who I really feel like. I don’t even know what I am spoe to feel like. I want to thank you for bring people into my life. People who are open and hoset. I want to get to know them better.
Why did I decieve them? I am such an idot. Ifeel so clsoe to you but I do wrong and not just little worng but big wrong. I try to live a life for youbut I do bad things. Am I trying to fool other people or am I fooling myself?
I have gotten over my feelings for J and I want to contiue with that. It is the first time in a long time that I can honestly say that. I want to get closer to JH but I just can’t make myself at this point. I don’t feel like I deserve that right now. Even though her friendship is what is important to me and makes me feel close to her.
Help me Lord. I have to go but I know this is going to be good for me.
Closing Verse
2 Chronciles 6: 14-42

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Thank You

papajoemc — Wed, 09 Dec 1998 03:30:00 +0000

I am so thankful for you wathcing out for me this weekend. Thank you for my talks with JH and the postive comments I got from K and J and all the rest of the people that talked to me on Sunday. thank you also for bringing J back to me. I still need to talk to her but at least she is calling me again. That makes me happy.

Help me trying to decide what to do before the reuniton and after the reuntion. I don’t know what to do. I should go with my family aftoer the reuniton . I know that but I want to go to camp too. I want to hang out with the boys but I can see them. I would like to hang out with J and L and whoever is there.
I really don’t like being so far away from my good friends. I love my friends here but other people have been there for me for a long time and I want to see them and hang out with them. Help me decide what to do.

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