Parts of my life the last week…….
Beware- there is some venting with scattered thoughts, I don’t have enough energy to really get too deep. But I need to process and this is me process some of the “bigger” things in my life right now.
I feel like I have not really done much the past week. Ever since last Wednesday my back has been bothering me….again….
I blame it on driving for Dunkin’ Donuts, the fact of the matter is that I have had this constant pain since I have been driving the truck back in August. I have not diven since Friday and I am feeling ALITTLE better. It has been so bad that I have had trouble walking. Just tonight it has been a sharp/dull pain. I don’t know if that makes sense…..
So I went up to D&D to talk with the owner about quitting, but I could not bring myself to do it. I am off between now and when we get back from our Thanksgiving excursion. Between now and then I will be at the doctors and physical therapists to see what I can do to get better.
I have already been told there is a compression in my lower spine. I just need to know what to do in order to either reverse it or stop it from happening even further.
So besides resting my back I have been reading alot for my classes, writing papers and whatnot. I have been trying to force myself to do some things that I need to do in my “regular” life but that has been few and far between.
I just question why it is hard for me to quit a job I really don’t like. Sure the extra money is nice and it helps out alot, but I know my health is more important, but I think I don’t wnat to disappoint people. And I need to get over that.
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In other news I have added some stuff to my blog, so let me know what you think. I have been debating if I should stay with WordPress or go back to Blogger. Most of the blogs I read are done through blogger and I once had an account there. I still have an open account but I don’t use it at all. I debated going back. There are certain things that I would like to add on my blog that I have seen on others. But there are some things I have put on that I really like so for now I will stay here. Down the road I would love to have my own domain name with my blog. I would like to add podcasts of sermons and have a few pages in which I just have fun with. But for now this will do.
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Let me tell you I hate cars — we have had both go to crap on us the last two weeks…….one “new” car later and the other with a new radiator we are on the road again.
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I think one of the things that has been on my mind lately is the event that occured almost a year ago. Around this time (at the end of November) one of the first graders at my internship died. It was a girl that I worked with at the after school program. I have been thinking about her and about what happened because I wrote it up as a case study for one of my classes. I will be working through it with some classmates. It was a really hard thing for me to go through, especially so because the parents asked me to preach at her funeral. Now this was my first funeral sermon ever, and it was for someone who I really cared about and who went home to God alittle earlier than most of us would want.
I have been thinking about her because of all saints day this past week. I think deep down I was avoiding worship some because I don’t know how to handle it. I have been keeping some of my emotions inside — it is really hard to think about sometimes.
Then, once your mind goes down that road it is hard to control. During intership our sexton died while working on the job, I was one of the last ones who talked with him. We were moving picnic tables and then I went to do a home communion visit and then I had a lunch meeting. I was going to go back and see if he needed anything else — but I did not and I felt guilty that I could of done something to help him…..for a few weeks after I had trouble eating and I was trying to work through a lot, and being at the end of my internship I was trying to get things done for that as well……ahhh life.
If I make it through this process I will be amazed.
that’s what all saints day was for me this year – to think about two very special saints that will have a special place in my heart.
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