I wish I could tell the girl that I love how I feel. To me this is a very big deal. Her golden blond hair and big brown eyes.
They make me tremble, to you this should be no big surprise.
Her voice is sweet.
So it is a real treat.
To stay up late and talk with her. But once again I messed things up.
Why couldn’t I just leave things the way they were?
All I should of done is sit there and drink out of a cup.
But alas I could not leave things as they were I wanted more, I felt I deserved more.
I was the best friend I could be. I sat and listened, cried when she was sad and laughed when she was happy.
I did not do this just because I wanted more then just friendship, I did this because I cared for her. I n fact, I still care for her and I always will.
Sitting here next to her I am in great joy and I am real happy.
I wanted to do anything for her without thinking twice about it.
Is this bad? Maybe….
How can it be so bad if it feels right in my heart?
Am I stupid? Yes….
However, as long as I am happy it is okay.
But I am not happy.
So should I think twice about doing stuff like this for other people?
Well not now, not at this time.
At least not to an extreme.
I would not feel right doing that.
Then what is the right decision?
I guess it is only to keep what I am doing and hopefully I will find someone as great as this beauty I know now.
Someone with a sparkling personality, great looks, a mind she can express whenever necessary, and most of all someone who cares for me as much as I care for her.
Last night I went crazy because I did not talk with this special person.
At the time I felt if I called her I would bother her because I had nothing to say, I just wanted to hear her voice and I wanted to see how she was doing.
It sounds dumb and cheesy but that’s who I am, that’s how I show I care.
Is that a crime?
Should I be punished because I do care?
I realize after 19 years!!! The Closest I can get to a girl ever is to be her friend. Is that okay with me?
Sure it is…..
I do want more but like they say, I will take what I can get.
The biggest thing I have to do is get my ugly ass looking better then it does.
that’s what it is all about.
Even though I see people like me holing hands with a beautiful girl.
What’s up with that?
Where can I get one of these?
I don’t know
However, if this girl understands how much I want to be with her, taking care of her, watching over her making sure all the creeps of the world stay away.
I will listen, give advice, if wanted, give her anything she wants, and most of all I will be the most loving person I could ever be.
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